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Keep your story straight - 83

Joe had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying
bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting
her response. "Did she accept?"

"No, she sure didn't," sobbed Joe. "When I told her what you advised
me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get the hell out."

"Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told
your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still
when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father.

"Oh boy, dad, did I got it all wrong," Joe groaned. "I said, 'MY Dear,
you have a face that would stop a clock!'"

Custody Battle - 82

An old mountaineer and his young wife were getting a divorce in the
local court of a small, remote village. During the proceedings, custody of
the children was the big problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since
she had brought the children into the world, she should be the one to
retain custody of them.

The old mountaineer was also seeking custody of the children. The
judge asked for his side of the story.

After a lengthy silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and
said, "Judge, when I put a dollar into a coke machine and a coke comes out,
does it belong to me or the machine?"